Sometimes

I thin kabout HL2. I thin kabout a world so...
intent on breaking the human spirit. So intent on destroying every last bit of compassion, friendship, loyalty.

And I get really deppressed.

And then I take the full blow, HL2 does not depict some future dystopia. It depicts now. The very world I breathe and walk and talk in.
Yes the now ladies and gentlemen. And if we do not amend our ways...

I'm really deppressed now. I have several hundredes of prozac tablets but I do not touch them, they will make me worse. They'll take away the deppression but replace it with psychotic beahviour. How is that an improvement? Prozac makes me capable of mass murder and my doctor gives it to me. He must be pretty sick.

My emotional life is vast and intense. On prozac it isn't anything. I would happily push the button on prozac if any of my readers are old enough to know what that particular adage means.

Measurable amounts of prozac is in the atlantic ocean, it is in the drinking water.

It is the most powerful drug I have ingested.

I have tried LSD, I've done psiloscybin and I have done Flein. As far as illegal drugs go, I've pretty much done 'em. I have even ODed on both LSD and Flein, and no -that wasn't happy touring.

But it can't compare, it's nothing. An OD of LSD is nothing, against a perfectly legal drug that my doctor gives me without doing a single clinical test. He gives it to me because I want it and for no other reason.

What strikes me is that we have an entire populace on extremely unhealthy drugs while perfectly decent drugs are illegal. Both my parents use drugs that would make any illegal dealer in Oslo drool. And my parents ain't what they used to be.

The short term memory is gone(my mother used to pride herself in not forgetting things, now she can hardly rememeber her own birthday and *she doesn't know*). At least I know that hasish will affect my short term memory, it's in the ad.

They have no focus beyond day-to-day survival, and even that is severly limited.

I have feared Heroin all my life for I knew what it was meant to be.

But now my parents are hooked on something worse and they thin kit's good and benevolent. Watching them now makes me want to be on Heroin, how sad can you not become from watching the destruction of your parents from what they trusted. Maybe you hate your parents but I don't, I love them -they've given me everything and now I get to watch them fall to pieces just because they trust the bastards. And I'm telling them that I don't.



Sometimes I scream it. But noone believes in me.

Who would believe a truthsayer?

b