I don't know, I don't know,
I don't wanna know.
Left out. My plan for having the government pay for my education is failing. Tricksy bastards. I should get into private enterprise for funding, I don't need education. I just don't know anything about private enterprise. James Cameron had the Terminator funded by lorry-driving and a dentist union or something. I suppose that is a possibility, I lay my eccentric shell aside and go out there like a normal human. The kind you feel you can entrust with a large sum for a single project. Although that is becoming increasingly more unlikely with every passing day. For most of my adult life I've been expecting to die poor, alone and fleeing from creditors. And this reality makes my fantasies even stronger and believe me, my imagination had nothing lacking from childhood. Every day that goes by and I don't participate in the common reality of society distances me from society.
Inuyasha is my shield these days, I've gotten to episode 50 or so. It is a really great show, truly modern, me like. Funny.
In order to save myself I need to fund a work that will go public and make its money back. This will put me into circulation. Once in circulation it will be a lot harder to retract into the shell. My councillors say a job will do the same good but I don't believe them. I'm too far out to be able to carry a job out. Lost in spaces. Wandering soul. Chances are though that they'll eventually find a job and put me in it. It will be a certified disaster. Proving my disability to perform a job will do me no good. I'll be cut off, left out. With noone left in the whole world that can help me but mother. Oh mother. It's to pathetic to move home in my age. But I've been unable to sustain myself for five years now. There are economic forces at work and they're stronger than me. Stronger than any human can be.
To be frank I'm the last person you wanna hear talk about society. I've never understood it. I mean, I can understand and create very complex systems, but society isn't a system. I don't know what it is, why it is, or for whom. It certainly isn't for me. And I am no different from anyone else, I too would rather destroy what I don't understand.
Imagine, one billion people can read this, my incoherent thoughts. And I can read the incoherent thoughts of a billion people. It is an extreme situation. Is this our future?
No matter, as some of you may know I am co-founder of Life Substitute. We've now hired a programmer to do our website and a graphic designer to do our logo. Don't know how long it will take but we'll get the site up. On it we will sell Life Substitute material. We've never sold anything before, we've been giving it away for years. But society will only accept something as valuable if it has a pricetag, and so we bow for the forces we cannot understand and put pricetags on our work. Internally we've been fighting over this, arguments over prices, methodologys, market expectations. It's been years since we last fought over anything and then it was artistic. I hope these monetary issues will not break us apart but I have fear in my soul, in history nothing has withstood the onslaught of money. It has destroyed everything that is good. Why society insists on sustaining such an obviuosly evil and outdated paradigm is beyond me and I do not expect to escape unscathed, still -I know what puts food on my table. Time is running out.
b
Left out. My plan for having the government pay for my education is failing. Tricksy bastards. I should get into private enterprise for funding, I don't need education. I just don't know anything about private enterprise. James Cameron had the Terminator funded by lorry-driving and a dentist union or something. I suppose that is a possibility, I lay my eccentric shell aside and go out there like a normal human. The kind you feel you can entrust with a large sum for a single project. Although that is becoming increasingly more unlikely with every passing day. For most of my adult life I've been expecting to die poor, alone and fleeing from creditors. And this reality makes my fantasies even stronger and believe me, my imagination had nothing lacking from childhood. Every day that goes by and I don't participate in the common reality of society distances me from society.
Inuyasha is my shield these days, I've gotten to episode 50 or so. It is a really great show, truly modern, me like. Funny.
In order to save myself I need to fund a work that will go public and make its money back. This will put me into circulation. Once in circulation it will be a lot harder to retract into the shell. My councillors say a job will do the same good but I don't believe them. I'm too far out to be able to carry a job out. Lost in spaces. Wandering soul. Chances are though that they'll eventually find a job and put me in it. It will be a certified disaster. Proving my disability to perform a job will do me no good. I'll be cut off, left out. With noone left in the whole world that can help me but mother. Oh mother. It's to pathetic to move home in my age. But I've been unable to sustain myself for five years now. There are economic forces at work and they're stronger than me. Stronger than any human can be.
To be frank I'm the last person you wanna hear talk about society. I've never understood it. I mean, I can understand and create very complex systems, but society isn't a system. I don't know what it is, why it is, or for whom. It certainly isn't for me. And I am no different from anyone else, I too would rather destroy what I don't understand.
Imagine, one billion people can read this, my incoherent thoughts. And I can read the incoherent thoughts of a billion people. It is an extreme situation. Is this our future?
No matter, as some of you may know I am co-founder of Life Substitute. We've now hired a programmer to do our website and a graphic designer to do our logo. Don't know how long it will take but we'll get the site up. On it we will sell Life Substitute material. We've never sold anything before, we've been giving it away for years. But society will only accept something as valuable if it has a pricetag, and so we bow for the forces we cannot understand and put pricetags on our work. Internally we've been fighting over this, arguments over prices, methodologys, market expectations. It's been years since we last fought over anything and then it was artistic. I hope these monetary issues will not break us apart but I have fear in my soul, in history nothing has withstood the onslaught of money. It has destroyed everything that is good. Why society insists on sustaining such an obviuosly evil and outdated paradigm is beyond me and I do not expect to escape unscathed, still -I know what puts food on my table. Time is running out.
b
posted by bangskij at 12:17
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