aaaargh

I feel really sad, and angry.

Don't have any outlet, but this.

I guess I don't have any outlets for anything at all. It's not that I don't know people. I know people, they know me. I don't want to upset anyone. No crying like a child or making violence like an adult. There can be no innosence, the child in me might just be dead, might never have been there; an illusion.

I feel left out but left out of what? I don't really see anything I wanna be part of. I am a storyteller a narrator of my dreams, it's what I always do. I am in the stories but I never speak of me. Ask me how I feel and I tell you a story, it sounds like it's about me but is in fact a clever montage of reality and dreams. You can never know where one ends and another begins and often, I don't know either. Did I really experience something or did I just make it up? The storyteller cannot lie, stories become truth if they are it not yet. And if I made it up, did I not still experience it?

I am not trying to justify lies, merely to show a different world-view. Stories are designed to give something to those that hear it, stories gives you the chance to objectively view any thing or situation from multiple sides at the same time. This is an important trait in story-telling which is absent in a lot of society; like politics, where such a treatment of subjects would always be a political catastrophe. It is the opposite of most politicians goal. Or even in the work-space, I should hardly need to mention that playing devils advocate is second nature to me. This was not appreciated while I was working, and was in fact frowned upon. Trying to view the company from say the customers perspective is hearsay these days.

And so I can conclude that it is society and all its yes men that are psychotic and not me, yet I am the one who requires a shrink. Why? Because while the psycopaths aren't losing sleep over me, I am losing sleep over them. I find their presence highly disturbing. In an acid flashback it occured to me with the massive clarity of that drug that the world has four kind of people.

It is the aforementioned psychos and the rest of us, in a 50/50 blend.

Each of these two groups is split in two and consists of people that are active and people that are not active, also in a 50/50 split.

And so we see, that the yin and yang is balanced.

That mankind is balanced.

However...

Society is not balanced, only the psychos participate in society, only they vote and only they rule. They run the economy and the businesses. And therefore they have created society in their image. So it is psychotic.

Ta.

I am currently looking for work, haven't worked in years. Don't wanna. But -you know, moneymoneymoney, fresh out. Need some. So it's bite the dust time and just do it. It's really annoying. I wish there was another way. The irony about most jobs in the western world today is that they're obsolete. The governments run with slogans like "We create more jobs", while the opposite is true what is interesting is that in a country like Norway you can fire 30% of the workforce today. And tomorrow the country is far more efficiently run.

Why? Because people are actually being paid to not work whilst still sitting in an office with real responsibility. And they know that they're obsolete, they look at the computer sitting on their desk and they know that it don't need them. So what can you do but fuck things up, if you mess up the works sufficiently it will employ lots of humans to sort it out. If you make sure the laws and regulations don't make sense the computer can't work with them 'cause it requires logic.

There's two ways to look at this:

1. Slavery. A large part of the workforce is being held hostage in their offices on a daily basis.

2. Freedom. A large part of the workforce is being given alot of money for no work delivered.

Ofcourse, it's not supposed to make sense. Like one of my office jobs, I was working as a customs agent; here's what I did:

I received computer print-outs on paper, which I typed by hand into another computer.

That is all.

I suppose that to the computer-literate part of the world this is absurd. You could send the file from the first computer to the second computer, completely without human intervention.

And since my job was mainly putting numbers into a computer it was boring, and I erred. The error was expensive, I put an extra zero on the back of a 5-digit amount -it became a 6 digit amount, it took alot of humans to sort it out. The computer couldn't have made that error.

And in Norway this pays for the bread of 10000 souls. 10000 people who go everyday to the office to do nothing. Are they happy?

My only goal in life was to do something remotely filled with meaning. I cannot do such "work".

b