fame

local tv station nrk2 is going to show another of my videos. like before they pay me nothing. i suppose i should be happy for the fame but it is hard to eat. besides, only friends and family know anyway(hey and now you dear stranger, but then, you don't know me). There is a norwegian tradition to display some random art in a building every fall, it is called the fall exhibion(how creative). I have attempted to have them show my art twice before, and this year I'm going for it again. My computer is now rerendering a video a made a couple of months ago. Rerendering to make it suitable for wall-sized display(1280x720x60p). I haven't shown this video to alot of people, but all of them thought it was beautiful, including people that i have never been able to make sit down to watch my abstract art(read: family). If they can watch it anyone can, and the video has a visually interesting "artsy" point about layering(the current paradigm in big budget image creation), that the "art" committe(double t, double m - don't think they should both be double, or should they?) selecting the works should appreciate. this fall exhibition will also pay me nothing, but the King would get to see it... :-)

I've wanted to post this video online in place like myspace or youtube, but it has a too complex image to survive the compression. Compressed to the level they want it looks like a grey blur, and it doesn't even have the "color" grey in it.
I've also tried to create a torrent file but i didn't understand the process, and besides, i don't have internet access anyway(i write this at my sisters house).

I'm... disturbed. Paranoid. Tired. Marginal. When my sisters friends and family arrive I leave. She invites me to social gatherings. I sit home alone in the dark(literally, i have a video projector, i use it to watch videos all day long).

I don't listen to radio, or watch tv, i read the inquirer, physorg, spacedaily.

I don't talk to people on the phone. Exept for my american friend who calls often.

I push myself harder and harder. I feel like breaking. I feel like sleeping. For a thousand years. I hate the world and it hates me back.

I wish I could play computer games but just writing this sends vast fountains of pain surging through my hands. Our famous norwegian public health system has taken no interest is helping me, I've seen three doctors and I don't want to see another one again in my life. Assholes.

My car is stuck in the snow, broken. This whole car thing wasn't for me. It is expensive and ruins the environment. It is drawing valuable and limited resources that I would otherwise spend on my computer. I might get a work(pop production) related visitor in a month or so, after that I'll sell it or throw it away, I suppose it'll run when the snow melts.

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